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Birthdays aren't what they used to be

This Scorpio baby just had a birthday! Thank you so much to those of you who reached out! I am officially in my late 30's and it's been a hell of a ride. I wanted to reply with joy and tell you all about the great day I was having with my family. But the truth is, it wasn't a great day. Now much like Mothers Day, my birthday has become a sore spot for me. 

 
My origin with birthday celebrations weren't great either. One too many failed birthday parties including a 12th birthday surprise party noone showed up for. My parents were the most lack lustre about birthdays and usually opted for the God forsaken Black forest cake after family dinner. Maybe that's why I started putting so much effort into my birthday. Once I turned 13 and could navigate the celebration by myself, things started looking up. When I was in University and throughout my twenties, I used to have week long birthday celebrations!  I remember getting dressed up, going out with friends, dancing until the sun came up, coming home only after the celebratory all nighter breakfast of champions and feeling strong enough to start the ritual all over again. 
Times change of course and this late 30 something yr old could not handle any of that anymore but as a mom, I struggle to find a happy median. Like most of us, my husband is not the party planner of the house and to be honest, just not great at celebrating me. Writing that down for the first time ever and whilst it stings a little, it's true. Since being married and now more so with children, my birthday just serves as a timely reminder for how old I am and how far from myself I've strayed.
 I would dare say that most of you reading this are relating to that statement.
I go all out for the kids birthdays and make sure to have a cake and some homemade cards for my husband but the well is all dried up by the time my birthday comes around. And I let it happen. 
It feels hard to recognize that in myself. It's hard to admit that the exhaustion, frustrations and loneliness that come with Motherhood, don't seem to get much better the older my kids get. In fact, it kinda feels like I have resolved myself to spending my birthdays and any occasion that celebrates me, isolated and in my feelings. Something again, I'm sure many of us can resonate with.
So what there's to do? This can't be a dead end street where we just end up hating our birthdays and special occasions forever! Absolutely not!  Just like we did with Mother's Day, we take it back. We take the reigns and make the birthday whatever the heck we want it to be!! I may have spent the day mopping around on my actual birthday but I have vowed to get in some quality time, with myself.
In comes the classic Staycation but for one! 
I have booked a night at the Sheraton downtown and a dinner reservation at a trendy dinner spot for me, myself and I.
Now before you come at me, no, I don't want my husband there. I didn't want a family dinner out ( although that might still happen). I NEED time to myself. Just a day to remember who the f&*k I am and was before domestication! I think every wife and mother, should do something like this and hotels really need to start making this a thing! A Moms day away package filled with pampering, food and luxury! Doesn't that sound amazing! Seriously, who do i tell about this!? 
Things don't have to be that fancy though. If money is tight, what about planning a day of activities that you can do that would still fill your cup? A nice hike, or some shopping, followed by taking yourself out for lunch ( a burger never tasted better!) and closing your bedroom door to drink wine and watch netflix, by yourself? As long as its something you love to do, make it apart of your day!
Now all of this isn't to say that we shouldn't try to spend these occasions with our loved ones. If that's what makes you happy, Mama pleaseeeeee do that! Ultimately the mission is to start enjoying our birthdays and celebrating yourself again so whatever makes that happen! I just know that for someone like me, a break from the people I love most makes the heart fonder;). The sense of independence and freedom that comes with having NOONE rely on you is like a deep breath of crisp fresh air. You still hear the phantom cries, but know they're only that ;)
So that's my plan and Ill be making sure to give you the play by play so you can share in the moment with me! Now it's your turn! Do you still get excited for your birthday and how will you be spending the next one?
Till next time! xo
Danniella

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